{"id":7440,"date":"2025-11-13T22:09:12","date_gmt":"2025-11-13T21:09:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/doodoo.cz\/?p=7440"},"modified":"2026-09-16T11:57:30","modified_gmt":"2026-09-16T09:57:30","slug":"mri-i","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/doodoo.cz\/en\/mri-i\/","title":{"rendered":"MRI I"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Unknown number. Who could be calling me on a Saturday morning?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HELLO, MRI BEROUN. Fuck, they found something and they\u2019re calling because every day counts.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I\u2019M VERY SORRY, BUT YESTERDAY I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO TWO EXAMINATIONS FOR YOU, AND WHEN THE DOCTOR WAS WRITING THE REPORT HE NOTICED THAT I FORGOT TO SCAN THE CRANIAL ARTERIES. WE\u2019RE HERE ALL WEEKEND. COULD YOU COME BACK? ANY TIME\u2026 WE\u2019D TAKE YOU STRAIGHT IN. ONCE AGAIN, I\u2019M SORRY.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She must know. She saw the state I was in when I came out of that tunnel. Sweating, gasping, as if they\u2019d pulled me from a grave. That\u2019s why she\u2019s apologising so much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. I DON\u2019T WANT TO GO BACK THERE. I\u2019m almost surprised by how uncompromising I sound. It really was awful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I KNOW IT WAS HARD FOR YOU. YOU CAN BRING SOMEONE TO HOLD YOUR HAND. OR HAVE SOMEONE DRIVE YOU AND TAKE SOMETHING TO CALM YOU DOWN.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Right, and kill half the weekend for both of us. I\u2019M NEVER GETTING BACK IN THERE. Have I ever been through anything worse?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I UNDERSTAND. IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, PLEASE CALL. ONCE AGAIN, I\u2019M VERY SORRY. WE\u2019RE REALLY BUSY. GOODBYE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">THESE THINGS HAPPEN. GOODBYE. Damned, these things happen\u2014but why to me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">They\u2019ll never get me back in there. Never. Not voluntarily. It feels as if I\u2019m in there again right now; I\u2019m going to be sick. Quick. A song. One where someone screams. JEFF BUCKLEY. GRACE. NPA LIVE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-4-3 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<div class=\"ast-oembed-container \" style=\"height: 100%;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"JEFF BUCKLEY - Grace - NPA LIVE  1995\" width=\"500\" height=\"375\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/lUeENNKLuSA?start=2&amp;feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/div>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yes. I scream with Jeff, cry, scream, cry. Again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I feel better now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But the examination without those cranial arteries is totally crap. Yesterday was for nothing. I have to go back. But how? What would help?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I know exactly what would help. But I can\u2019t. No, that\u2019s too much. TOO MUCH.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Well, it isn\u2019t usual, but they\u2019re the ones who screwed it up. The nurse who called owes me. She made a mistake. And she knows how badly I don\u2019t want to go back. And that I have to. Because of her. And it\u2019s a hospital. Everyone there has seen much stranger things. Ohh, this could work. No way. In my mind, I clutch my head. No way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Really?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">HELLO, MRI BEROUN? IT\u2019S ME, WE SPOKE THIS MORNING. ABOUT THE CRANIAL ARTERIES. I\u2019LL COME TOMORROW AROUND ELEVEN, THEN. AND I WANTED TO ASK ONE MORE THING: CAN I HAVE A PACIFIER IN MY MOUTH DURING THE SCAN?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One second, two, five.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">YES, YOU CAN. AS LONG AS IT ISN\u2019T MADE OF METAL AND YOU DON\u2019T SWALLOW IT.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">ALL RIGHT, THANK YOU, GOODBYE. GOODBYE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yes, yes, yes! Yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">YOU\u2019RE AWESOME, DARLING, I hear my wife say, and I\u2019m proud. Of myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2014 Sunday \u2014<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I\u2019ve set a good trap for myself. Now I\u2019m more afraid of what will happen with my pacifier than of the tunnel.<br>I already know where to go; I\u2019m there at eleven. I sit in the waiting room for a while, imagining how it might all unfold. Then I hear my name and go into the changing cubicle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">GET UNDRESSED, LEAVE EVERYTHING METAL HERE AND WAIT UNTIL I CALL YOU. YOU DON\u2019T HAVE A PACEMAKER, DO YOU? Okay. I wait for the woman before me to finish her scan. Right. Now I can\u2019t back out. Actually, I can. But I don\u2019t want to. I know I can do this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">TAKE YOUR PACIFIER AND COME WITH ME.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This is it. I take the pacifier and hide it slightly because I\u2019m passing the woman who went before me. She\u2019s just leaving. I lie down on the bed and put the pacifier in my mouth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The nurse is a professional. She behaves as if it were a standard part of the examination. Then she puts headphones on me and covers my head with something that resembles a plastic cage. There\u2019s no escape. That was what finished me last time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I know what comes next, and I\u2019m calm. She also gives me a switch to hold. If I press it, the scan will stop and I\u2019ll slide back out. Just in case. The pacifier is in my mouth and I\u2019m content. I feel good. Safe. I close my eyes. I put my hands on my stomach so they won\u2019t scrape against the walls as the bed slides into the tunnel.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If I didn\u2019t focus on it, I\u2019d hardly know I was inside a fairly narrow tube. It begins to shake and make a racket. I\u2019m almost smiling at how good I feel. How long am I supposed to be in here? I don\u2019t care.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">After about five minutes, the noise and shaking stop. I slide out. Is that it already? Before the nurse arrives, I pull the pacifier from my mouth through the plastic cage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SO, HOW DID IT GO?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">BRILLIANTLY. ABSOLUTELY FINE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">SO NEXT TIME YOU\u2019LL KNOW HOW TO DO IT\u2026 She\u2019s wonderful. ONCE AGAIN, I\u2019M SORRY. WE REALLY ARE VERY BUSY.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I UNDERSTAND. THESE THINGS HAPPEN. THANK YOU SO MUCH.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">GOODBYE. GOODBYE.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I feel light, almost airborne. How little it can take. The beat of a butterfly\u2019s wings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A phone call sends me back toward the MRI tunnel I swore never to enter again. Then I think of the one thing that might make it bearable.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":3988,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"disabled","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-4)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[256,254],"tags":[250],"class_list":["post-7440","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mri","category-stories","tag-free"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>MRI I: A Personal Experience of Fear | doodoo<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A personal story about fear during an MRI scan, returning for another examination and the difference a human approach can make. 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