MRI
A short story of one examination
Unknown number. Who can call me on a Saturday morning?
HELLO, MAGNETIC RESONANCE IMAGING BEROUN. Shit, they found something and they're calling me because it's about days.
I'M SO SORRY, BUT I WAS SUPPOSED TO DO TWO SCANS YESTERDAY AND THE DOCTOR NOTICED DURING THE DESCRIPTION THAT I FORGOT TO DO THE CRANIAL ARTERIES. WE'RE HERE ALL WEEKEND. COULD YOU COME BACK? ANYTIME... WE'D TAKE YOU FIRST. I'M SORRY AGAIN.
She must know. She saw the state I came out of that tunnel in. Sweating, panting, like I'd been pulled from the grave. And that's why she's so sorry.
NO, NO WAY, I DON'T WANT TO GO THERE. I can see how uncompromising I am. It was really horrible.
I KNOW IT'S BEEN HARD FOR YOU. YOU CAN BRING SOMEONE TO HOLD YOUR HAND. OR YOU CAN BRING YOURSELF AND TAKE SOMETHING TO CALM YOU DOWN.
Oh, and kill half the weekend for both of us. I'M NEVER GOING IN THERE AGAIN. Have I ever seen anything worse?
I UNDERSTAND. IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND, BE SURE TO CALL. I'M SO SORRY AGAIN, WE'VE GOT A LOT ON OUR PLATE. BYE.
I UNDERSTAND. BYE. Dude, I understand, but why me?
Yeah, I'm screaming with Jeff, crying, screaming, crying. One more time.
I feel better now.
The scan without the cranial arteries is a total bust. It was a waste of time yesterday. I fucking have to go. How do I do it? What would help me?
I know exactly what would help me. But I can't. No, it's too much. That's a LOT.
Well, it's not common, but they fucked up. The nurse who called me is beholden to me. She made a mistake. And she knows how much I don't want to go back there. And I have to. Because of her. And it's a hospital. Everyone's seen completely different things there. Oh, man, that would be good. That's not possible. I'm clutching my head. It's not possible.
Really?
HELLO, MRI BEROUN? IT'S ME. WE SPOKE THIS MORNING. THE CRANIAL ARTERIES. I'LL BE THERE TOMORROW AROUND 11:00. AND I'D LIKE TO ASK, CAN I HAVE A PACIFIER IN MY MOUTH DURING THE EXAM?
Quiet.
One, two, five seconds.
WELL, YOU CAN. IF IT'S NOT METAL AND YOU DON'T SWALLOW IT.
ALL RIGHT, THANKS, BYE-BYE. GOODBYE.
Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah.
YOU'RE A LEGEND, BABY, I hear from my wife and I'm happy. I'm happy for myself.
--- Sunday ---
I sewed myself up good. I'm more worried about my pacifier than the tunnel.
I know where to go. I'm there at 11:00. I sit in the waiting room for a while, imagining how it's going to go. Then I hear my name and go into the prep room.
SO TAKE YOUR PACIFIER AND COME ON.
It's right here. I take the pacifier and hide it slightly because I'm passing the lady in front of me. She's just leaving. I lie down on the bed and put the pacifier in my mouth.
The nurse is a professional. She acts like it's a standard part of the exam. Then she puts on a headset and covers my head with what looks like a plastic cage. There's no escape. That's what got me last time.
I know what's coming next and I'm calm. I'm still getting the switch in my hand. Pressing it would abort the examination and I'm out the door. If anything. The pacifier is in my mouth and I'm happy. I'm fine. I feel safe. I close my eyes. I put my hands on my stomach so they don't scrape against the walls as I roll the gurney into the tunnel.
The noise and shaking stops after about five minutes. I go out. Is it over? By the time the nurse comes in, I'm taking the pacifier out of my mouth through the plastic cage.
SO HOW'D IT GO?
GREAT, TOTALLY FINE.
So next time you'll know how... she's great. SORRY AGAIN, WE'VE GOT A LOT ON OUR PLATE.
I KNOW, IT HAPPENS. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
BYE. BYE.
I feel light, I'm almost flying. How little is often enough. The flap of a butterfly's wings.
Translated with DeepL.com (free version)